Planning Humor
We’ll need some levity as we discuss the world of planning.. also we know that planning humor exists. Our only requirements are no profanity nor meanness of spirit. That still leaves plenty of quality humor opportunities. You can add as comments below.. if you have trouble with pictures, music files or videos in the comment boxes, please contact Sharon.
This is really Martin’s planning humor.. wanted to add it as a comment for two reasons.
1. so people can submit directly.
2. So we all know when someone posts humor.. it shows up as a new comment.
wouldn’t want to miss any!
I wrote the folowing while working as the Writer-Editor on teh Plan for Land Between the Lakes NRA in Western Kentucky many years ago, so there may be a few local references that are not universally understood – but they rhyme! Our team developed the Revised Plan in under 2 years and at about 100 pages under a concept template. Enjoy!
If Dr. Suess Wrote a Forest Plan
By Phil Sammon
Land Between The Lakes NRA
“I am Stan. Stan I am. And you must write a Forest Plan.”
“But I do not like them, Stan the man. I do not like these forest plans.
I will not write it, not at all. Not in the Spring or in the Fall.”
“But you must plan!” is the boss’s retort. “Even if we end up in court!
“We need a plan, a plan that’s thick. A plan as heavy as a brick.”
“I do not like to write the plan. I do not like them, Stan the man.”
“Would you, kudzu, on a plain? Would you, where the waters drain?”
“Not on a plain, nor in a drain. I will not force this on my brain!”
“Would you, could you with an MIS? Would you add the EIS?”
“I will not with an MIS, not now or ever, what a mess!
I do not like to forest plan. I will not do this, Stan the man.”
“In a grove or marshy break? By a small impounded lake?”
Or walking over xeric sites? Wearing cowboy boots and tights?”
“Not in a grove or marshy break! Not overlooking any lake!
Not walking over xeric sites, or wearing cowboy boots and tights!
I do not like to forest plan. I do not like it, Stan the man!
Would you, with a Forest hat, write and write on habitat?
Or wax poetic what you see, for species viability?
I will not work on habitat, for potato bean or Indiana bat!
I will not write them, don’t you see? I don’t like viability!
I will not waste the time it takes, to add up acres of canebrakes!
My time is valuable, you see. I will not waste 3 years plus 3!”
“But look at this plan, you will note, a two-year plan this team they wrote!
It’s small, it’s trim, it covers their land. It feels so light within your hand.”
“It covers the required stuff, without a single piece of fluff.”
“I like this plan, I like it so! I can take it wherever I go!
It has the lakes, the trees, the birds, and without a lot of extra words!
I like this forest plan, I do! I want one for my forest, too!
Oh help me write it, Stan the man…help me write this forest plan!”
Brilliant! Should have used for ROD. Or better yet, can we put you on assignment to rewrite the Lorax with a planning and common pool resource management twist?
And if okay with you, I would love to use this as part of my course materials–great stuff.
Feel free to use as you asee appropriate. I received a lot of comments on this in 2003 when I sent it out to a handful of friends. I heard back about it from people in about every FS Region and the Planning section here at at the Washington Office.
Glad to putr a smile on a Planner’s face!
Are you the same person who also aptly quoted in a 1982 cruise book, “As we have learned from those who have gone before, so let those who follow learn from us”?
http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/25/lolcatsdotcomrplmqcu3ftfg8z07.jpg
Planning cats discussing endangered raptor’s habitat.
Admittedly, yes. But that is still a really good line!
From the days working on the 1995 RPA Program, but probably true for many other kinds of efforts.
DATA (To the tune of Day-O)
Data, data, data come makes us wan go home,
day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day ta.
Data come makes us wan go home
We work all day on the RPA
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Trying not to laugh at what numbers say
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Hey coordinators, please give us your data
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Give data now or we make it up later
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
If you don’t give us data you won’t be hero
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Look in budget and find big zero
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Will numbers rise or will numbers fall
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Get more logic from crystal ball
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Day me say data
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Day, me say day, me say day, me say DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
We loved ecosystems though we did ignore ‘em
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Give us lotsa bucks and we’ll go restore ‘em
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Accounting for roads is particularly gory
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
If you figure it out, tell Jim Lyons the story
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Day me say data
DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Day, me say day, me say day, me say DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Data, data DATA COME MAKES US WAN GO HOME
Day me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say data
GIVE US DATA THEN WE’LL ALL GO HOME
Rulemaking jingle:
Not planning humor, but very smart and funny. Some of our readers will appreciate this ecological dynamics rap. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8f8_am8G7Q
LOL. reminds me of my youth and silviculture classes in New England. Except back then we didn’t have much in the way of models or computers
.
Phil,
Your poem is brilliant! It appears forest planning is a beast regardless of what side of the border you are on. May I share with my Canadian colleagues?
By all means – comedy is only funny when you share it! I have heard from a lot of folks over the years about that poem – glad you ejoyed it! Cheers!
Phil